In honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2015, I decided to post several of my before and after photos of my eating disorder (anorexia / orthorexia) on my Instagram.
Here is a perspective of my story through snapshot photos. Enjoy. ❤
This is what an Anorexia Warrior looks like. It’s the first day of Eating Disorder Awareness week >> and I am here to show you that Recovery *is* possible. I struggled with anorexia / orthorexia (and some bulimia) for 20 years. It started when I was just 6 years old and I didn’t get help until I was on my death bed at age 25, my body shutting down from malnourishment. My parents called me a liar, I was evicted from my apt bc I was too sick to work and I lived out of my car desperately fighting the voices to kill myself. Praying and Miracles got me to a treatment center in Tucson, AZ >> Mirasol.net >> who I am forever grateful for. I continued on my Recovery Journey without the support of my family, with zero funds, just a Dream of getting better so I could be the role model I never had. Today, my Dream has been realized. I have held a healthy weight for over 3 years. I still deal with voices and mood swings but I use my tools, reach out and recover quickly. I have previously coached other women who struggle, and now I have found that the best way I can help others is by creating videos about recovery and my journey on YouTube.
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It is still a day to day Journey but I’m here — happy and healthy — and I’m here to stay :-D. If you are struggling, there IS help. Don’t give up. You can do this. I am proof. Reach out and ask for help — asking for help is a sign of STRENGTH. I still do it and will continue to as needed. I am here to show you there IS hope for Life after an eating disorder! Many blessings and love to all you other Warriors out there >> you got this and you are *NOT* alone! I love you and Life does too!
Day 2 of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week >> This is my before and after Anorexia picture. When I entered in-patient treatment in 2011 I was severely malnourished and underweight, a normal for me as I was striving to be a fashion model and obsessed about keeping my weight low and fat off my hips. My battle with my body type was a daily war inside my head and with food. I didn’t want to eat, I was TERRIFIED that eating would make me “fat” and I would be ugly and (deep down) unloveable. The voices were so loud, constantly telling me to kill myself. I was very blessed to attend a Holistic in-patient center where I learned proper nutrition, did daily energy work and learned how to re-wire my brain and neuro-pathways. Most importantly, I discovered the deep rooted issues that caused my eating disorder — including trauma, abuse and a narcissistic family environment. I learned tools that I still use today to heal those traumas, stop the voices, change my thought patterns and #beliefs and re-wire my brain. I truly believe this is CRUCIAL to a successful Recovery. It’s not about just gaining (or losing) the weight. It’s about discovering the deeper issues and HEALING those. Without this, you will never be Free. I have gained even a little bit more weight than that ‘after’ picture, and have held that weight for 3 years. In fact, I was weighed recently at the Doctor’s office and was not triggered AT ALL by the number — because I have done the inner work and it is in my healthy weight range. I am so Happy with my Beautiful, new body. I love my curves :-).
Day 3 of NEDA Awareness Week >> my before and after Anorexia FACE picture. In 2011 I was severely malnourished, underweight, incredibly lost and I happy. I had been secretly struggling for almost 20 years with this mental illness. The amount of inner and outer work it took to create this Transformation was incredible and very difficult — but TOTALLY worth it. My recovery journey has been all about facing my biggest fears and demons and being willing to see how much generational wounding I have been carrying and learning to let it go. I come from a background of Addiction, mental illness, personality disorders and eating disorders on BOTH sides of my family so I had double the baggage to heal (and am still healing it). I have been successful bc of my amazing support system, treatment team and the Tools I use to change my energy, beliefs, thought patterns and neuropathways. I believe a Holistic approach is the most effective way of healing. I am so Grateful for where I am today, taking Life one day at a time.
“To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves… We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here with its gift of energy and heightened awareness so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation.”
My journey of healing my eating disorder has been about facing my fears. I do it every day. Fear has a special message for us and is the other side of passion, an energy for our own benefit and growth.
The Journey continues…
Another before and after Anorexia pic > though I was thin I was incredibly self conscious and insecure. Now with a Healthy body and mindset I am confident and vibrant! I’m so Grateful for my Recovery and want all you others out there struggling to know Life After ED is possible for you too!!!
So here’s the things about an Eating Disorder > sometimes you can’t tell straight away looking at someone. But if you look closely, you can see the pain in their eyes, the struggle and fight they are fighting. Before when I was in my anorexia I dyed my hair and put on pounds of makeup, trying to hide the wounds I was walking around with. I didn’t learn how to love my natural beauty until I got into treatment on my recovery path. You can see the mask I’m wearing on the left, dying inside (and out) and you can see the glow shining from within me on the right. This is the beauty of recovery and Life after ED. Life becomes about the Journey, not the destination or what you look like or even how others perceive you. It’s about embracing life one day at a time. And I PROMISE YOU — if I can do this YOU CAN DO THIS TOO. It has been such an honor to share my story in pictures during NEDAwarenessWeek2015. Many blessings to all you other ED warriors out there. I love you and Life does too!!!
If you have any questions about my Journey, please feel free to ask! I am an open book! 🙂
PS – I would love to share The 5 Tools I Use to Feel Happy In My Body because I think you love to learn all the tools I have used to heal my eating disorder and love my body and food 🙂 .