What is Self Love?
I remember asking myself this question over and over when people or therapists would say to me: “Blake, you have to learn to love yourself.”
What does that mean? I would ask myself.
I thought I understood the overall concept of loving myself, but I didn’t get how it applied to my practical, day-to-day life.
I wanted to know HOW to love myself in simple, easy to understand steps.
So, I have put together this guide for you to understand what self love is and how to purposefully apply it to your life.
Hold up: Isn’t Loving Yourself SELFISH?
There is a difference between loving yourself and a grandiose experience of inflated ego where you think you are the shit and better than everyone else.
Self love means loving and caring for yourself, seeing yourself as the valuable human that you are, an equal to the other beautiful and valuable humans on the planet, and taking responsibility for your life and the way you experience it.
It does NOT mean putting yourself on a high horse and judging other people, claiming to love yourself.
But is it selfish to love ourselves? Doesn’t that mean I think I’m more important than others?
Loving yourself means making sure that your needs are met first. This can be difficult for some people because if you are like I was — I used to be a HUGE people pleaser. I put EVERYONE else before myself — and guess what? At the end of the day, I was left with nothing.
I was left feeling depleted and used, angry and depressed.
In this world, as spiritual beings having a beautiful human experience, it is important and IMPERATIVE that we each learn how to care for ourselves so we can fill ourselves up and THEN be of service to others and the world around us.
If we are coming from a depleted place, we are truly just looking for some kind of outside validation which we never really get — just a feeling of emptiness that can only be filled with the unconditional love YOU (and you alone) can provide for yourself.
Think of the oxygen masks on the airplane — they ask you to put your mask on FIRST and THEN help others — because once you have oxygen you can help as many others that need help. You can’t do that if you die trying to help someone else first.
In my opinion, it’s selfish NOT to love yourself.
Then you’re just walking around unconsciously expecting others to make you happy and fulfill your needs — and THAT is a setup that is guaranteed to fail, pissing off those around you (even if they don’t realize why), leaving you empty and alone.
So How Does Self Love Work?
The basic and overall concept of self love (and self care which fits as a subset underneath self love) is living your life from a place of LOVE rather than a place of FEAR.
It means changing your thoughts, actions and vibration to match one of Love (and Peace, Balance, Joy etc).
You may or may not notice your self criticism, judgements toward yourself and others, self sabotaging behavior and the way you respond to yourself when you do something you may not like.
If you’re not practicing self-love, you may think to yourself “what’s wrong with me? why can’t i get this right? why can’t i get my shit together? oh, of course I would do that / screw this up.” etc etc
These type of thoughts are all coming from a place of FEAR >> fear that you’re not good enough, that you’re not perfect enough, that you’re not deserving of love (especially from yourself!)
The trick here is to recognize those thoughts and change them mid-stream.
Self love means being GENTLE with yourself when you ‘screw up’ or do something you perceive to be ‘bad’ or ‘negative’.
Self love means choosing not to beat yourself up, but instead to view yourself as if you were a wise, older woman who sees you as a human being just finding her way in life, and every which way and turn is absolutely perfect to get you to the next part of your journey.
It means tapping into the loving parents within you (even if you didn’t have the real kind — I certainly didn’t) that love you no matter what, and just want you to be happy moment to moment.
Even if you never had that kind of love reflected to you from the outside (I personally did not) you can find a deeper part of yourself within that DOES unconditionally love you (it’s called Spirit and goes by a number of other names as well 😉 ) and bring that part of yourself to the forefront, a little bit at a time, over and over again, until it just becomes natural.
So, What Are Some SPECIFIC Examples of What Self Love Would Look Like in My Life?
- SCHEDULING IN SELF-CARE (this means PUTTING IT IN your calendar and treating it like a non-refundable appointment)
- taking a bath (bonus: add epsom salt, bubbles + candles)
- going for a walk (bonus: in nature)
- moving your body in a way that feels good to you
- getting your nails / toes / hair done! (you can do this yourself or go to the salon)
- reading your favorite book
- do nothing time (YEP – just RELAX and do NOTHING!)
- SCHEDULING IN FUN! (again PUT THIS IN your calendar and treat it like a non-refundable appointment)
- your favorite hobbies
- going to your favorite restaurant
- whatever activities you love to do (and squeal over!)
- travel plans to visit friends or family
- vacation to the place you’ve been yearning to visit!
- do something NEW & exciting (bonus if it’s on your bucket list!)
- MORE WAYS:
- Practicing Forgiveness when you catch yourself criticizing yourself or others
- Telling yourself “I love you” in the mirror
- Nourishing your body with food 3x a day + snacks
- Loving your body the way it is right now; AKA:
- *NOT* body checking (this means NOT checking your body in the mirror every time you walk by, criticizing different aspects of your body you don’t like)
- *NOT* weighing yourself (this comes from a place of fear)
- *NOT* counting calories (again, from a place of fear, you are not trusting your body’s natural process and function)
- Listening to your Intuition and following it’s Guidance
- Feeling your feelings and processing your emotions instead of stuffing them down (out of Fear)
- Using your Voice and saying how you feel
- Saying YES when it is a true yes and NO when you feel a no
- Shifting your negative thinking to positive thinking
- Visualizing your Desires + Dreams for your Life
- Getting help + support when you need it (this is a sign of STRENGTH!)
- Taking proper meds +/or supplements that support your well-being
- Spending more time with people that make you feel good about yourself and your life and spending less time with those who don’t
- Seeing and Accepting the love your partner / friends give you
- Accepting compliments graciously instead of questioning them or rejecting them
This is a good list to get you started on your Self-Love Journey.
You want to remember that this is a PROCESS and it happens ONE STEP AT A TIME.
You are not going to wake up tomorrow declaring “I LOVE MYSELF FULLY!” It happens bit by bit, chunk by chunk until it becomes your natural way of thinking and behaving.
And even then you still have to consciously practice it. I have been practicing Extreme Self Love for over 4 years and I still catch myself and use my tools.
Self Love is a NEW LIFESTYLE — and NEW WAY OF LIFE.
Once you get that, the rest is just enjoying the Journey :-).
If you’re wondering more about HOW to shift your Life from Fear to Love, there are many Healing Tools that can help you with this process.
Healing Tools that Help You Create More Self-Love:
- Ho’oponopono (“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you”)
- EFT Tapping (Have you accessed my Tapping Toolbox™ yet?)
- Inner Child Work
- Belief Transformation Work
- Mantras / Affirmations (reading them to yourself or record yourself saying them and play them as you’re falling asleep as your brain waves change)
- Meditation & Yoga
- Music Therapy
- Art Therapy
- Journaling (writing)
- Art Journaling
- Animal Medicine / Pet Snuggling
- Body Movement / Dancing
- Facing Your Fears
- Vision Boarding / Vision Journal / Prosperity Wheel
- Mirror Work
- Spending time with a loving, conscious friend / family member who can mirror Love back to you
- Somatic Therapy
- Belief Work Coaching
If you are on your Journey of Self Love and want to learn how to create a Lifestyle of Love and Happiness for yourself with an emphasis on connecting to your Body & it’s wise Intuition to guide you through the Life you’ve always dreamed of, I want you to tell you about The Happy In My Body e-course!
In this program I can help you shift the way you perceive yourself, your body and your life, to guide you to learn to Love your Body to it’s natural, healthy weight — without deprivation — in just 7 Simple Steps.
This entire process is a Journey of Self-Love and I know that you are ready to change the relationship you have with your body and food — forever.
As a Belief Coach, EFT Tapping Expert and survivor of Anorexia, I PERSONALLY KNOW exactly what it takes to COMPLETELY change my belief system 180 degrees. I have done it, I help others do it, and it’s possible for you!
You deserve to live a life full of LOVE for yourself — once you develop this way of being, you will permeate out into the world receiving an enormous amount of blessings and gifts in return.
Thank you so much for reading, I am so happy that you are here on this Journey with me! 😀
Lots of Love and BIG HUGS,